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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert Paperback – May 5, 2015

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 13,815 ratings

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.
 
Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else.
 
Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

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From the Publisher

Explore these ...seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a long-lasting relationship.

 "Twenty-five years of landmark marital research."—USA Today

"Gottman comes to this endeavor with the best qualifications” Newsweek

"Offers something every relationship can benefit from."—Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage The Man’s Guide to Women The Relationship Cure And Baby Makes Three
Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage The Man’s Guide to Women The Relationship Cure And Baby Makes Three
Customer Reviews
4.5 out of 5 stars
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Price $11.49 $18.26 $11.79 $13.20
Vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. Unlocks the mystery of how to attract, satisfy, and succeed with a woman for a lifetime. For the first time ever, there is a science-based answer to the age-old question: What do women really want in a man? A powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. Helps new parents positively manage the strain that comes along with their bundle of joy.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent -- and long-lasting -- marriage."        
-- Daniel Goleman, author of
Emotional Intelligence

"Gottman stays refreshingly down to earth, rather than on Mars and Venus."
-- Bill Marvel and Geoffrey Norman, American Way

"Gottman comes to this endeavor with the best of qualifications: he's got the spirit of a scientist and the soul of a romantic."        
-- Newsweek

"Twenty-five years of landmark marital research."
-- USA Today

"Offers something every relationship can benefit from."
-- Seattle Post-Intelligencer

"Astonishing new research!"
-- Woman's World

"Debunks many myths about divorce . . . reveals surprising facts . . . enlightening!"
-- Amazon.com

About the Author

JOHN GOTTMAN, a leading research scientist on marriage and family, is emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington; executive director of his laboratory, the Relationship Research Institute; and cofounder of the Gottman Institute. He held an NIMH research scientist career award for twenty years. Dr. Gottman is the author of more than two hundred professional journal articles and forty-two books, as well as the recipient of numerous prestigious awards for his extensive contributions to marriage and family research.

NAN SILVER is a former editor in chief of Health magazine and coauthor, with Dr. Gottman, of
What Makes Love Last: and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0553447718
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harmony; Revised ed. edition (May 5, 2015)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780553447712
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0553447712
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.14 x 0.69 x 7.98 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 13,815 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
13,815 global ratings
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4 Stars
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I love the work of Dr and Dr Gottman. I look forward to finishing this update of their wonderful effort to put their discoveries to practical use. It's so needed. This is a book to use repeatedly and keep a long time, so it's unfortunate that they allowed it to be published with lower quality paper (thin, gray). It's harder to read and won't hold up as long. I've published on Amazon so I know it's cost saving to use this paper, but I chose not to do this to my loyal readers.I've bought other versions of their books (hardback and Kindle), but I can't recommend getting the paperback.Content: 5 starItem quality: 3 star
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2023
Dr. John Gottman’s book “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is an insightful and invaluable guide that provides a beacon of hope and practical advice for couples navigating the complexities of marriage.

This book delves deep into the core principles that foster strong and lasting relationships. Dr. Gottman draws upon his extensive research and clinical experience to outline actionable strategies, allowing readers to understand the dynamics within their relationship and cultivate a deeper connection with their partner.

What sets this book apart is its empathetic approach. Dr. Gottman addresses common relationship pitfalls with sensitivity, offering guidance without judgment. His emphasis on communication, emotional intelligence, and understanding the dynamics of conflict resolution provides a roadmap for couples seeking to improve their relationship dynamics.

Each principle outlined in the book is supported by real-life examples and exercises, making it accessible and relatable. The practical nature of the advice allows couples to implement these principles in their daily lives, fostering a more profound sense of understanding and intimacy.

Moreover, the book doesn’t just focus on problem-solving; it also highlights the importance of fostering positive interactions and building a foundation of trust and respect. Dr. Gottman’s emphasis on celebrating love and cherishing the bond between partners resonates throughout the book, inspiring hope and motivation for couples facing challenges.

One of the most compelling aspects of “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is its universal applicability. Regardless of the stage of your relationship, whether you’re newlyweds or have been together for years, the wisdom imparted in this book offers something valuable for everyone.

In conclusion, this book is a treasure trove of wisdom and guidance for couples seeking to strengthen their relationship. Dr. Gottman’s expertise, compassionate approach, and actionable advice make “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” an essential read for anyone invested in cultivating a thriving and enduring partnership.
26 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 29, 2024
The exercises and principles are excellent tools. We have been married for 28 years and it has helped us tremendously. Well written. Highly recommended.
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2024
We have given many of these books to other couples. It has exceptionally well researched advice for people who want their marriage to work. It is practical, has exercises to do, and deepens knowledge of your mate. It is an excellent resource. We have led marriage retreats and small groups for engaged couples for 40 years. This book is our number one recommendation.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 9, 2023
It provides great examples and activities for couples
A bit long at times, with many examples and anecdotes sometimes similar to each other.
Reviewed in the United States on July 2, 2017
Seeing a marriage counselor and he said he uses this book and its tenets all the time because it's so effective, based on scientific research. I got one each for my husband and myself. We enjoyed doing the exercises at the end of Chapter 4. I read the hopeful parts of the book, the truly practical things couples do to improve and enrich their marriages and, thus, their lives.

Sadly, then I read the chapter on "why couples don't make it." Shoot...they mostly apply to us. I analyze and nag too much, my husband is critical and snide all the time and we've let our friendship dwindle to low ebb. We've been married for over 2 decades and it's hard to see us change enough and in enough time to avoid divorce. We're both that miserable.

The beauty of the book is that it provides excellent analysis and descriptions of both success and failure in marriage: literally, the author and all professionals who apply these principles can predict whether or not a couple will be able to resolve their conflicts successfully or not within a very short period of time based on how they treat each other. Certainly, the marriages that can seem destined to failed can be turned around if both spouses embrace the process and are willing to work on THEMSELVES and not so much try to "fix" their spouses. So clearly explained, all problems (and ALL marriages encounter problems...you newlyweds are kidding yourselves if you don't believe this) can be divided into the Solvable and Unsolvable.

Obviously, by definition, most Solvable Problems can be solved. And it doesn't have to be that Unsolvable Problems lead inevitably to divorce. Sometimes the problem can't be changed by either party such as one becoming ill with cancer or diabetes and the other can't abide having a spouse who is ill. But even having a "mixed marriage" such as 2 conflicting religions can be worked out if they ignore their families' and friends' condemnation and agree to adhere to either or both religions--together or separately--and doing the same for children.

Even couples who can't agree on whether or not to have children or cannot procreate themselves to the sorrow of either or both spouses can be resolved well enough to stay together and be happy. If nothing else, Unsolvable Problems can make the marriage stronger if the parties turn to each other in love and for support instead of turning away from each other in anger or sorrow.

It's all a matter if you require to get your own way on every issue or allow yourself to build up ginormous resentment by always being the one who caves in to your spouse's demands, supposedly just to keep the peace. That's not a peaceful existence.

Right now, I'm not sanguine that it'll work but my husband and I will both give it the ol' college try. I'll keep you posted.
1,237 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 10, 2024
I loved this book because it not only makes you focus inward, but truly get to the root cause of issues. I love the structure and the applications that are so easy to use. 10/10 would recommend for any couple as these are tools to use forever!
5 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 30, 2024
My husband was willing to work on our marriage but pushed back on some of the heteronormative and religious content of this book. Fortunately he didn't mind me screenshotting relevant pages and sending them to him to discuss later. Much of the advice seems so obvious but it felt like a smack in the face to see how dysfunctional our relationship had become. We weren't on the same team. Our arguments never got us anywhere. Even with just me having read the book we have made huge improvements on communication and restoring friendship and respect to our marriage.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 21, 2024
They work if you work them! Get this book. Do not bother with the workbook, which is useless.
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read
Reviewed in Canada on December 10, 2023
Very straight forward points and a great read whether your relationship is in trouble or not. Definitely beneficial for conflict resolution but you and your spouse must be receptive to change and consistently putting in effort.
One person found this helpful
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Kayla
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommend to everyone
Reviewed in Mexico on February 6, 2023
Whether you're married, in a relationship, or single - I highly recommend to all. This book gives you healthy and essential communication skills to understand and receive one another with compassion and acceptance.
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Kayla
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommend to everyone
Reviewed in Mexico on February 6, 2023
Whether you're married, in a relationship, or single - I highly recommend to all. This book gives you healthy and essential communication skills to understand and receive one another with compassion and acceptance.
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Andrea
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent book - just doesnt work if u r married to a covert narcissist
Reviewed in Brazil on July 14, 2022
the book is amazing and if you are not married to a pathological liar and covert narc, i am sure it can even help couples...easy read and excellent exercises
One person found this helpful
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Negar
5.0 out of 5 stars Nice book for couples
Reviewed in Belgium on April 30, 2024
Nice and useful
DoP
5.0 out of 5 stars Tolles Buch.
Reviewed in Germany on March 21, 2024
Das Buch ist unfassbar informativ. Die Erkenntnisse beruhen auf jahrzehntelanger wissenschaftlicher Forschung und werden durch Beispiele untermauert. Dadurch liest sich das Buch (auf Englisch) sehr leicht. Es regt zur aktiven Reflektion an (Fragenbögen etc).
Sehr zu empfehlen für alle Paare - egal ob verheiratet oder nicht - und auch für Singles.